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Welcome to the world's most dangerous Improv show, where two mighty teams of gladiators will take the stage to prove who is the best of the best. This is not an exhibition. This is a no-holds-barred competition. The audience determines the winner each week via secret ballot. The winner returns the following week to defend their title against a new challenger. Thursday's at 10:00 pm
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| GATOR Gutted by HOT FM April 10, 2026 |
| According to the FCC, there has been more than two billion minutes of audio broadcast over the airwaves in the past century--but the ONLY MINUTES THAT MATTER are the 23 minutes used by hometown Harold hotshots HOT FM to take the championship title this past Thursday. HOT FM went mano-a-mano with fellow Harold team CLUB GATOR, who, LOYAL CAGE-A-MANIACS know, took the title from YET ANOTHER Harold team, BRUV, last week. Tired of subclauses? WELL FEAR NOT, WE JUST HIRED AN EDITOR! That’s right--starting today, the CAGE MATCH NEWS will never use another comma! If you spot anymore commas in our reporting, please print out the page and bring it to the TETRAGON to CLAIM YOUR FABULOUS PRIZE! HOT FM will return next week to take on GRANNY FULLY LOADED. We beg you, CAGE-A-MANIACS, do not Google GRANNY FULLY LOADED. Just come to the show and bring your appetite for delight. Or SOMETHING! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| BRUV Clubbed Greatly By CLUB GATOR April 7, 2026 |
| FACT: “run” is the word with most definitions in the dictionary. ANOTHER FACT: all runs have a beginning and an end. ONE LAST FACT: BRUV’s historic run, the first multi-win run of the season, ended this past Thursday after an eye-watering five--count ‘em FIVE--wins! Their downfall come at the hands of a group near and dear to their own hearts: another house team, UCB’s own CLUB GATOR. Hopefully all the bad blood was left on the slightly sticky surface of the TETRAGON and the members of both teams can go back to being friends. But if not, BRUV is guaranteed to be in the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS at the end of the year. If CLUB GATOR can rack up a couple more wins, we just might have the makings of a GRUDGE MATCH!! Will CLUB GATOR take the win THIS THURSDAY against aspiring DJs HOT FM, or will we have to “see them later”? There’s only one way to find out! We’ll see you there, LOYAL CAGE-A-MANIACS!!!!!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| BRUV Begins Bodacious Bankrun March 10, 2026 |
| Tragedy is a matter of MAGNITUDE, the scholars say unto us--and while the mysterious misplacement of last week’s blog post pales when put to the loss of the Library of Alexandria, it’s ENIGMATIC ERASURE evokes an eerie economy of emotions. Is there a dastardly evildoer BULLDOZING OUR TREASURED TREATISES? Or has that apothegm of Ecclesiastes been evermore entrenched: “TIME AND CHANCE HAPPENETH TO US ALL”? Whatever the case may be, LOYAL CAGE-A-MANIACS, know this particular ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE relates more to ROKO’S BASILISK than SMARTERCHILD. But with that MESSY MISSIVE behind us, let us repair to the ROUND REPORTING and bear with us as BRUV’s DOMINATION has DOUBLED! That’s right, we’re one lunar cycle in and BRUV has become the first team to take a second success. GLORIOUS GAMBLERS, how do you forecast the future fallout for the coming match? Will BRUV bloom or will TIPTOE take the title? If I’ve said it once, you can put DOLLARS TO DONUTS I’ve said it a baker’s dozen times: THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT! We’ll catch you ringside! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| UNCLE TOUGH Torches SCUBSY February 27, 2026 |
| The champagne and chintz of SCUBSY's season-opening sensation was scuttled this past Thursday by the galloping guffaws granted by UNCLE TOUGH! UNCLE TOUGH, a currently active UCB Lloyd team, took the spotlight not just with their DARINGDO and DYNAMITE DYNAMISM but also with their OPENING STATEMENT, which set the record for shortest ever in the 6,000+ year history of CAGE MATCH. With a single word, UNCLE TOUGH began a yammering of yucks that yeeted SCUBSY from the CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE. Will UNCLE TOUGH be the first team to snag a second win? There's only one way to find out, loyal CAGE-A-MANIACS! WE'LL SEE YOU RINGSIDE!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| SCUBSY Stuns in Season Opener February 19, 2026 |
| There is a lunar new year superstition: do not clean on the new year, or else you may well clean up all of your good luck for the year. Let us hope this is not true, LOYAL CAGE-A-MANIACS, as SCUBSY cleaned house this past Thursday, under the shining light of not one BUT TWO NEW YEARS. Will the Year of the Horse also be the Year of SCUBSY? Or did SCUBSY sweep out of their good fortune with their precise SWEEP EDITING? Cage-a-Maniacs, there is only one way find out! We'll see you on Thursday, RINGSIDE AND SLIGHTLY DRUNK! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| Congratulations to GO DUMMY! February 6, 2026 |
| Congratulations to GO DUMMY! for winning the 2025 CAGE MATCH CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS! GO DUMMY! outscored HOOPTY, giving them their first Championship. The team cut down the net in their "One Shining Moment" and enjoyed room temperature Nachos BellGrande® in front of a sold out house of delighted CAGE-A-MANIACS. Both teams had great shows and we all set a new attendance record of 163,001. What a night! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| HOOPTY Hits, Hops into Finals February 6, 2026 |
| In the dazzling lights of the TETRAGON, the final round of the SEMIFINALS in the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS came to a dizzying conclusion, when indie supergroup HOOPTY snagged a sublime sublimation on SPAGHETTI, the darlings of the Magnet Theater stage. Yes, CAGE-A-MANIACS, as the old song tells us, truly WE WERE FAMILY that night as both teams brought ladlefulls of laughs and spoons of snickers. But when the check came, it was HOOPTY who cashed it and SPAGHETTI who was cashed out. HOOPTY will go up against another indie sensation, GO DUMMY!, next week. It'll be indie on indie action--but only one will be crowned the winner. Who will it be? WE'LL SEE YOU IN THE ARENA! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| GO DUMMY! Goes to the Finals January 26, 2026 |
| Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A... there are many ways to go, but last THURSDAY, the way the UCB audience went was DUMMY! If our copy was too cryptic, leave us to be more concise: GO DUMMY! took the win in the first round of the SEMIFINALS and will be competing in the FINAL ROUND of the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS! But it was a hard won victory, as the titanic trio of THE WORKING GROUP put on a great show. When the laughter faded and the lights came, the audience was decidedly split in their choice and it all came down to a single vote. For anyone keeping track--and, CAGE-A-MANIACS, believe when we tell that we wouldn't hold it against you if you you're not one of those people (in fact, no one actually reads our little column here)--this marks the SECOND TIME IN THIS VERY CONTEST where a team has nearly eked by a single vote. That other team? Friends, would you believe it was once again GO DUMMY!? Yes, it seems this team has a particular panache for perilous palms. CAGE-A-MANIACS, the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS is shaping up to a superb spectacle. We'll see you ringside!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| SPAGHETTI Scampers to Semis January 26, 2026 |
| House teams to the left, house team to the right, it was house teams all around last Thursday when TWO HERALDS of the improv stage when toe-to-toe beneath the CAGE MATCH LIGHTS. THE PROPHECY, one of UCB's HOMETOWN HAROLD TEAMS, went up against SPAGEHTTI, shining star of the MAGNET THEATER's MEGAWATT! The technicalities of the tectonic territorial tensions twixt the two theaters is a topic for a thereafter time--all you need to know now is THE HEAT WAS ON and, as nonnas all across Italy have taught us, the only way to make SPAGHETTI is with the HEAT ON HIGH! Yes, Cage-a-Maciacs, SPAGHETTI took the win and will be the last team to join the FINAL FOUR in the SEMIFINALS. Our knuckles are paling just thinking about it! WE'LL SEE YOU IN THE TETRAGON! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
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